Week 59 – The bursting of the bubble

When I was in highschool I weighed between 78-82Kg (or 171-180 pounds). Then I went to college, and because I was exposed to the high sugar, high fat western diet and had very poor control of my eating habits I put on about 80 pounds and topping at 262 pounds around my 26th birthday.

Around my 26th birthday, I decided I had to do something. So I did. I dropped close to 52 pounds. It wasn’t rocket science, really. I ate less for 6 months. I exercised a lot. And I lost weight. My wife was super supportive. I had to start exercising, so she went on walks with me in the morning until I was fit enough to actually exercise on my own.

For the last 15 years my weight has bounced between 215-235 pounds. I never got much below 215, and I never got much above 235…

I hate going on a diet. Going on a diet is a struggle with my brain. My brain is wired to want to eat sugary, fatty foods in large quantities. I love food. I love it. Every minute of every day, I have to remind myself to not do what I want to do it. It’s like trying to learn how to be left handed after a lifetime of being a righty. It never feels normal or easy or right.

Over the last 15 years, I have had this delusion that if I could just exercise enough, then I could eat whatever I wanted. I imagined I could construct this perpetual motion engine that would always consume enough calories and let me eat without being at war.

And it was a powerful delusion. Application of even trivial amounts of common sense can demonstrate how silly that delusion was. But that delusion existed.

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That delusion was my big rock candy mountain…

The power of my brain to ignore the facts was powerful. I was staring at data, but I refused to acknowledge it. I lived in this delusional world where all I had to do was amp up the exercise regime and magically the weight loss would happen.

The notion that calorie intake had any role to play was… well absurd …

Last week finally shattered my illusions. I feel like Neo in the Matrix right after I swallowed the red pill…

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The discipline I need to complete my Ironman also involves going to war with my brain over my eating habits.

And for a moment, I wanted to give up this stupid quest. And then I chose not to.

Eating is a choice. I can choose to lose that struggle and not complete my goals or I can choose to win.

So to winning.

Forward progress in this week’s update.

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You can clearly see the moment where I finally saw the matrix. After that point, I refocused my energy on calorie intake and returned to my weight loss.

There is no magic perpetual motion machine, just discipline and rigor.

 

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