When I was in highschool I weighed between 78-82Kg (or 171-180 pounds). Then I went to college, and because I was exposed to the high sugar, high fat western diet and had very poor control of my eating habits I put on about 80 pounds and topping at 262 pounds around my 26th birthday.

Around my 26th birthday, I decided I had to do something. So I did. I dropped close to 52 pounds. It wasn’t rocket science, really. I ate less for 6 months. I exercised a lot. And I lost weight. My wife was super supportive. I had to start exercising, so she went on walks with me in the morning until I was fit enough to actually exercise on my own.

For the last 15 years my weight has bounced between 215-235 pounds. I never got much below 215, and I never got much above 235…

I hate going on a diet. Going on a diet is a struggle with my brain. My brain is wired to want to eat sugary, fatty foods in large quantities. I love food. I love it. Every minute of every day, I have to remind myself to not do what I want to do it. It’s like trying to learn how to be left handed after a lifetime of being a righty. It never feels normal or easy or right.

Over the last 15 years, I have had this delusion that if I could just exercise enough, then I could eat whatever I wanted. I imagined I could construct this perpetual motion engine that would always consume enough calories and let me eat without being at war.

And it was a powerful delusion. Application of even trivial amounts of common sense can demonstrate how silly that delusion was. But that delusion existed.

That delusion was my big rock candy mountain…

The power of my brain to ignore the facts was powerful. I was staring at data, but I refused to acknowledge it. I lived in this delusional world where all I had to do was amp up the exercise regime and magically the weight loss would happen.

The notion that calorie intake had any role to play was… well absurd …

Last week finally shattered my illusions. I feel like Neo in the Matrix right after I swallowed the red pill…

The discipline I need to complete my Ironman also involves going to war with my brain over my eating habits.

And for a moment, I wanted to give up this stupid quest. And then I chose not to.

Eating is a choice. I can choose to lose that struggle and not complete my goals or I can choose to win.

So to winning.

Forward progress in this week’s update.

You can clearly see the moment where I finally saw the matrix. After that point, I refocused my energy on calorie intake and returned to my weight loss.

There is no magic perpetual motion machine, just discipline and rigor.